Re: [Philmont]: Philmont "rules"

Actually "Expedition Behavior". I believe, but am no longer positive,
that this was first published in Outside magazine around 5 years ago.
Here it is:

Expedition Behavior - The Finer Points (by Howard Tombs)

A good expedition team is like a powerful, well-oiled, finely-tuned
marriage. Members cook meals together, face challenges together, and
finally go to bed together. A bad expedition, on the other hand, is an
awkward, ugly, embarrassing thing characterized by bickering, filth,
frustration, and crispy macaroni.

Nearly all bad expeditions have one thing in common: poor expedition
behavior. This is true even if team members follow the stated rules,
such as Don't Step on the Rope, Separate Kerosene and Food, No Soap in
the River, No Raccoons in the Tent, Keep your Ice Axe Out of My Eye,
etc.

Unfortunately, too many rules of expedition behavior remain unspoken.
Some leaders seem to assume that their team members already have strong
and generous characters like their own. But judging from a few of the
campers we've encountered, more rules ought to be spelled out. Here are
ten of them:

RULE #1 Get the hell out of bed. Suppose your tentmates get up early to
fetch water and fire up the stove while you lie comatose in your
sleeping bag. As they run an extensive equipment check, coil ropes and
fix your breakfast, they hear you start to snore. Last night you were
their buddy; now they're drawing up lists of things about you that make
them want to kill. They will devise cruel punishments for you. You
have earned them. The team concept is now defunct. Had you gotten out
of bed, nobody would have had to suffer.

RULE #2 Do not be cheerful before breakfast. Some people wake up perky
and happy as fluffy bunny rabbits. They put stress on those who wake up
mean as rabid wolverines. Exhortations such as "Rise and shine, sugar!"
and "Greet the dawn, pumpkin!" have been known to provoke pungent
expletives from rabid wolverine types. These curses, in turn, may
offend fluffy bunny rabbit types. Indeed, they are issued with the
sincere intent to offend. Thus, the day begins with flying fur and hurt
feelings. The best early-morning behavior is simple: Be quiet.

RULE #3 Do not complain. About anything. Ever. It's ten below zero,
visibility is four inches, and wind-driven hailstones are embedding
themselves in your face like shotgun pellets. Must you mention it? Do
you think your friends haven't noticed the weather? Make a suggestion.
Tell a joke. Lead a prayer. Do NOT lodge a complaint! Your pack
weighs 87 pounds and your cheap backpack straps are - surprise!,
surprise! - cutting into your flesh. Were you promised a personal
sherpa? Did somebody cheat you out of a mule team? If you can't carry
your weight, get a motorhome.

RULE #4 Learn to cook at least one thing right. One expedition trick is
so old that it is no longer amusing: on the first cooking assignment,
the clever cook prepares a dish that resembles, say, Burnt Socks in
Toxic Waste Sauce. The cook hopes to be relieved permanently from
cooking duties. This is the childish approach to a problem that's been
with us since people first started throwing dead lizards on the fire.
Tricks are not a part of a team spirit. If you don't like to cook, say
so. Offer to wash dishes and to prepare the one thing you do know how
to cook. Even if it's only tea. Remember that talented camp cooks
sometimes get invited to join major expeditions in Nepal, all expenses
paid.

RULE #5 Either A) Shampoo, or B) Do not remove your hat for any reason.
After a week or so on the trail, without shampooing, hair forms angry
little clumps and wads. These leave the person beneath looking like an
escapee from a mental ward. Such an appearance could shake a team's
confidence in your judgment. If you can't shampoo, pull a wool hat down
over your ears and leave it there, night and day, for the entire
expedition.

RULE #6 Do not ask if anybody's seen your stuff. Experienced adventures
have systems for organizing their gear. They very rarely leave it
strewn around camp or lying back on the trail. One of the most damning
things you can do is ask your teammate if they've seen the tent poles
you thought you packed 20 miles ago. Even in the unlikely event you get
home alive, you will not be invited on the next trip. Should you ever
leave the tent poles 20 miles away, do not ask if anybody's seen them.
Simply announce, with a good-natured chuckle, that you are about to set
off in the dark on a 40-mile hike to retrieve them, and that you are
sorry. It's also unprofessional to lose your spoon or your toothbrush.
If something like that happens, don't mention it to anyone.

RULE #7 Never ask where you are. If you want to know where you are,
look at the map. Try to figure it out yourself. If you're still
confused, feel free to discuss the identity of landmarks around you and
how they correspond to the cartography. If you A) suspect that a
mistake has been made; and B) have experience in interpreting
topographical maps, and C) are certain that your group leader is a
novice or on drugs, speak up. Otherwise, follow the group like a sheep.

RULE #8 Always carry more than your fair share. When the trip is over,
would you rather be remembered as a rock or a sissy? Keep in mind that
a pound or two of extra weight in your pack won't make your back hurt
any more than it already does. In any given group of flatlanders,
somebody is bound to bicker about weight. When an argument begins, take
the extra weight yourself. Then shake your head and gaze with pity upon
the slothful one. This is the mature response to childish behavior. On
the trail that day, during a break, load the tenderfoot's pack with 20
pounds of gravel.

RULE #9 Do not get sunburned. Sunburn is not only painful and
unattractive, it's also an obvious sign of inexperience. Most green
horns wait too long before applying sunscreen. Once you've burned on an
expedition, you may not have a chance to get out of the sun. Then the
burn gets burned, skin peels away, blisters sprout on the already
swollen lips. Anyway, you get the idea. Wear zinc oxide. You can see
exactly where and how thickly it's applied and it gives you just about
100% protection. It does get on your sunglasses, all over your clothes
and in your mouth. But that's OK. Unlike sunshine, zinc oxide is
non-toxic.

RULE #10 Do not get killed. Suppose you make the summit of K2 solo,
chain-smoking Gitanes and carrying the complete works of Hemingway in
hardcover. Pretty macho, huh? Suppose now that you take a vertical
detour down a crevasse and never make it back to camp. Would you still
qualify as a hero? And would it matter? Nobody's going to run any
fingers through your new chest hair. The worst thing to have on your
outdoor resume is the list of the possible locations of your body.

All expedition behavior really flows from this one principle: Think of
your team, the beautiful machine, first. You are merely a cog in that
machine. If you have something to prove, forget about joining an
expedition. Your team will never have more than one member.

-END-

Shane Hoffman wrote:
> I was cruizing the net about a month ago looking for good "nature" and
> "Philmont" quotes, and came across a website associated with
> home.sc.rr.com/venturing303/philmont/ that had a great list of Philmont
> "rules."
>
> Rule #1 was "Get the hell out of bed." I don't remember the rest. I
> shouldn't have had to. I bookmarked the site in my favorites.
>
> Well, I go to pull that list up and the website is GONE. Does anyone
> out there have this list of "rules?" It would have been a great
> teaching tool for the Scouts and advisors going to Philmont that have
> never been before.
>
> Thanks!
>
> Shane Hoffman
> Advisor Crew 445 - www.crew445.org <http://www.crew445.org> -
> SHoffman@crew445.org <mailto:SHoffman@crew445.org>
> ASM Troop 445 - www.troop445.org <http://www.troop445.org> -
> SHoffman@troop445.org <mailto:SHoffman@troop445.org>
> "Keep your nose in the wind and your eye along the skyline." ~ Del Gue

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Received on Fri Dec 31 21:05:07 2004